What’s A Worthy Sub?

Dommes will often discuss red flags in a sub but what constitutes a worthy sub? What are some indications that you are dealing with a respectful submissive? Naturally, they should be polite, and courteous and address you correctly.

You would expect to see that they have done their research and know basic details such as which town you session from, and what is and isn’t on your domme menu. Extra brownie points for having read your full profile!

Listing their areas of interest would be appropriate (which should not be outside of your kink list) and shows they have absorbed the information you provided and they have carefully considered the session. Occasionally, you can forgive them for asking for something off-menu, whether it be needle-play or extreme caning eg, as long as this is asked curiously with no expectation. In my book, asking for sexual services is a big no-no.

Your recruit, should you decide to take them on should be respectful with your time and also not over text with long monologues about their kink.

Arriving discretely and quietly is a must and newcomers should drop to their knees once the session commences, depending on their agility of course! That’s a personal preference, not something every domme will dictate.

Responses should be along the lines of “Yes Mistress,” Or “Miss,” a yep or yeh is too casual an approach and how I would talk with my non-kink friends. This behaviour in a sub would be reprimanded by myself.

Not all subs can afford extravagant gifts on top of the session fee, but some of my regulars will often bring a coffee or CBD drink which is appreciated. Not every sub will be the same and will have unique contributions to your lifestyle, whether it be in the form of helping with a DIY project, graphic design or playing chauffeur. Some subs, you may only see for session time but when you build up a friendship, they will often want to assist you if possible. They love to feel needed and made useful, so a few tasks can go a long way in showing their loyalty. For me, the best subs are happy when their Mistress is happy!

It’s always the dommes prerogative whether or not she wishes to see the sub again and a gentle letting down should be taken with good grace. No one has the right to demand your time or attention and a domme always maintains the right to deny access to her energy field. It doesn’t necessarily mean she thinks you are an awful specimen, simply that you don’t mesh. Luckily, I’ve only had a few weird experiences in which subs’ egos were damaged and they became bitter or acted in a deranged way. One involved a sub that would text and say he was talking to the spirit of my father, luckily I was able to see the comedy in his delusions, laughed and blocked him. Another pretended to be from a loan company trying to retrieve a gift! This has less to do with submissive men and more to do with mental illness in the populace. It’s rare for me to turn a sub away after he has gotten through my vetting process, but unfortunately, it can happen if they display unsavoury behaviour such as pushing boundaries by repeatedly asking for a date or similar.

I love a little banter and don’t mind a sub being a little cheeky if it’s obvious he’s being bratty and not blatantly disrespectful. A cheeky grin is a good indication but should be swiftly followed by an apology once you reprimand him.

One thing most of my subs have in common is a good sense of humour and intellect. Not everyone is intelligent in the same way and people have different skill sets, but someone who can demonstrate they are passionate about a subject (without talking about trains for an hour) or have a good level of understanding or emotional intelligence is always going to be someone more enjoyable to communicate with and session with.

A sub with references from a former Mistress or some form of social media presence (a play account is totally fine) and some positive interactions would get my attention over a nameless number. If you don’t have one as a sub, make sure you make first contact with who, why, what, Eg: I am Slave X, I like XYZ and I am interested in discussing the following.

A little personality is fine, but try and keep it to a paragraph, not a trilogy. You are discussing a session, not contacting a long-lost relative.

Every domme will have different ideas, which is why it’s important to research your chosen domme and find out what being a good sub means to her.

I would love to hear your thoughts though. What do you think a good sub is? Feel free to comment.