If you are normally submissive, you may struggle with dominating your significant other. Here are a few tips for beginners, inspired by a reader who wrote into my column at the Daily Sport.
My girlfriend and I are new to the fetish scene and have discovered we quite enjoy spanking with my girlfriend as the sub. She has now suggested I tie her up and experiment with light pain. I don’t really have a clue what to do but I love the idea. I’m just a bit out of my depth – can you give me some guidance?
Jeff, Bristol, 24
Oh, you lucky boy, your world is a playground of fun and excitement right now with so much waiting to be discovered!
I would suggest using silk ties or scarves to tie your girlfriend as they will feel a lot more sensual than rope. You might wish to blindfold her with a tie or silk stocking too as often when one sense is deprived (such as sight or sound) the other senses (such as touch/sensation) become heightened.
Start slowly and tease her body from top to toe as this will turn her entire body into an erogenous area and have her tingling all over. Trail your fingertips down the nape and sides of her neck and across the collar bone, then run them lightly down her stomach and down the insides of her thighs. Follow these lines next with your lips and leave a soft trail of kisses in those exact same hot spots. It is important to take your time and not rush this as this will get her aching for you to kiss her in naughtier places!
Read her body language and when her breath quickens and her hips begin to rise and fall, kiss or trail your tongue over her breasts lightly and stroke her clitoris with a wet finger for 20 seconds. Once you have her all worked up, tell her that if she wants more of that then she must be a good girl and please you. This could involve her pleasing you orally a little, or if you wish to introduce some pain play at this point, you could tweak her nipples with your fingers or place pegs on them. A riding crop is a nice implement to trace the lines of her body and lightly tap across sensitive areas such as the nipples, inner thighs and clitoris. You may wish to experiment with different measures of force to find out what level of pain gets your girlfriend going and don’t forget to agree on a safe word first to keep playtime fun and enjoyable.
A pinwheel is an excellent device for light pain play and you can get these on Ebay or amazon for about £10. A pinwheel is a wheel made of stainless steel with a row of spikes and can be used for both pleasure or pain. You will need to use a slightly lighter touch on the more sensitive areas of the body and flipping between pain and pleasure is an exquisitely sweet blend for your sub.
Sub games are always fun too, for example whilst your girlfriend has pegs or clamps on her nipples you could use a small vibrator on her clitoris and you could tell her that you will remove the pegs if she comes for you, or on the flip side that she is not permitted to come just yet!
Or you could make her earn rewards by taking small punishments such as an over the knee spanking. Apply a cupped hand to her bare buttocks and stroke her quivering flesh in between a series of spanks.
Finally, hot wax is always a great deal of fun! You can buy special candles on amazon that are designed for fetish play. Wait for the candle to burn a while so you have some wax to drip over her body. Start a good six to 8 inches away and on a less sensitive body part to test her pain threshold. If she responds well, you can move to more sensitive areas. Drip the wax slowly across her stomach and then up towards her breasts making sure you build anticipation and save the best for last. Treat the entire experience as a sensual discovery of her body and limits and this should make for some pretty explosive sex afterwards! Enjoy!
Want to read more readers fetish related questions and problems? Visit my weekly column at http://dailysport.co.uk/?s=mistress+kaz only in the Daily Sport – Britain’s sexiest free newspaper!