I am an 18 year old gay guy and I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. Sometimes he stays over at my house but my heavily religious Christian parents think he is just a mate…well until recently anyway! My Dad walked into my bedroom with coffee one morning after my boyfriend stayed over and caught us asleep in bed together! My boyfriend and I had made the mistake of falling asleep in the same bed instead of getting into separate beds as we normally do and got caught out.
I was in shock. Dad looked shocked, then just placed the two mugs of coffee down and said, “Jesus loves you” then he left the room.
I’m worried my parents may disown me now. Should I try to stop being gay and finish with my boyfriend? Or should I speak to my parents. Sodomy is frowned upon in the Bible. I’m worried I’m going to hell.
I imagine this must be a very difficult time for you whilst you are deciding whether to come out or not. Firstly, let me assure you that you are not going to Hell. There are many interpretations of the Bible and the segment that refers to the sin of sodomy is not a commentary on love in same sex relationships, it in fact refers to same sex gang rape and one exerting power over another who is vulnerable and in need of help.
Unless your parents have been living in a cave for the last year, I think it’s highly unlikely that they didn’t already have their suspicions before the discovery, and yet they continued to allow your boyfriend to stay over.
Your Dad used the words “Jesus loves you” for a reason. I think this is his way of saying he still loves you (even if he might not understand your leanings) and is also pointing out that Jesus loved all and turned his back on no one except for those who were truly evil and hurt others.
You may find Matthew Vines talks on gay Christians and the bible highly enlightening. It may give you some of the answers you are seeking.
I do think there is a very good chance that your parents will understand your situation, but you need to talk to them. If they react with denial or insist you can be ‘healed’, do your best not to get angry, speak to them calmly and explain your feelings.
If it transpires that they are unable to understand your orientation at first, try to at least get them to agree to disagree for now and in time they may come around. If they cannot accept your as you are, then realise that it is there problem and not yours, but treat them with compassion and love. I don’t think you should ‘try to stop being gay.’ I think you should be yourself and be proud. Stick up for yourself and be assertive and do this whilst practising patience with your loved ones.
I wish you the very best.
I have a fetish for women’s used panties and have a collection bought from various girls online, which was stashed away in a box at the back of my drawer. My wife recently stumbled across it when hunting for my passport for our upcoming holiday. Now she thinks I’m having rampant affairs and cheating on her.
I have never even met these girls or spoken to them in depth, let alone cheating with them. I just love knickers, but my wife is talking about cancelling the holiday and leaving me. I can’t tell her about my fetish as she’ll think I’m a pervert – what can I do!
Jase, 38, SE9
It is a tricky situation but by concealing the truth, the problem appears much greater to your wife than it is in reality. I feel that confessing to the true nature of your naughty knicker stash is going to be your best option. Many men have a fetish for women’s knickers and find the scent arousing. It doesn’t make you a pervert.
It is my belief that a lot of women could forgive a kinky knicker collection, but certainly not an affair. If you are to have any hope of fixing the relationship you need to be honest with your wife. I think she’ll find this much easier to accept and it may even come as a relief to her that you just have a naughty fetish, and are not dipping your dinky in forbidden honey.
Also, if push comes to shove and you want the marriage to work you may have to sacrifice the knicker collection if your wife insists upon it. If your wife is open minded enough perhaps when the moment is right, she might consider allowing you to enjoy her panty collection! There’s some food for thought. Good luck Jase.