I have some great regular slaves. They are generous, obedient, well mannered and know to to converse well with a Mistress.
On the flip side – this month my phone has been even more inundated with utter fuck wits claiming to be subs and I thought I’d share some of this with you – my readers and give you a chuckle!
There’s the classic:
“Mistress Kaz, please pimp me out and make me a whore and let guys gang bang me bareback.”
These fellas are mostly all fantasists, but the ones who will actually go and find a Mistress who is callous enough to do this are on the fast track to being ridden with aids.
Then there’s the “Mistress I need to be castrated!” casualty. Whilst I agree wholeheartedly that they should definitely not reproduce… (Oh is that Darwin I hear chuckling in his grave?) If you want to actually be castrated YOU ARE CLINICALLY INSANE and need psychological help from a therapist not a domme!
Then there are the poor deluded fools that have visited an escort or domme for the first time and they think ‘This is an easy job – I could do it!’ Then they start messaging you saying “I want to become a male escort and charge women for sex please help!” When I inform them that women don’t pay for sex they respond “But there must be some women gagging for cock!”
I agree. Yes there are women gagging for cock – but they still don’t need to pay for it. They can walk 2 metres down the road and get it at the drop of a hat. If that were the case most men would be gigolo’s! There’s a reason that they are not!
Then they argue ‘But I have seen a male escort on adultwork charging £200 per hour!’ so I say – and guess what? I have seen a man on the internet who thought he could fly – guess what? He went splat!
There’s the sex pest ones too who usually send highly illiterate texts and they are probably on some kind of sex offenders register. They go a little something like this:
“Meeestrees! I want try new fin and want your now! I wontin fuk meestrees and chains piss. Shiit on face.”
Somehow from this I gather this extraterrestrial from another planet is looking for domination, hardsports and sex – all services I don’t offer apart from the domination. I point them to my site, explain which services are on offer and point out that sex is not on the menu. When they fail to get this I simplify it to “No sex! I do not do sex!”
By this point they are on my ‘reject call list’ but the texts still come through ‘Y no sex? I need sex and whipping whilst piss!” I sometimes save the messages for comedy value and so I can warn other dommes and escorts away from these types. No one wants Mr Rapey turning up and trying to wave his silly little dick at you. I’d smack it with a hockey stick!
Then there’s the chancers who don’t even read the profile and ask:
“Can I get a blowjob for £30 NOW.”
I usually reply along the lines of…
“Sure, just head down to the crack whore dens on Market street and I’m sure you’ll find someone who will nosh you off for £30. Word of warning, they might not have teeth!”
“If you rustle up enough of your pocket money to cover my time, I will arrange a male slave who will suck you dry for free!”
Many have asked for mutilation or acts that would cause them long term damage – such as putting hair straighteners on their dinkies. I just think “Iiiiidiot!” in Michael Mcintyre’s voice! Then set them straight about what burning hot irons would actually do to their mortal appendage.
Some of them are even highly creative in their desperate efforts to get something for free! One sent me a supposed Amazon voucher…the word Amazon written in green font, no branding, it didn’t even match the Amazon site! I just laughed at said – Nice try but no cigar!
So there you have it. Whilst fetish and kink can be a wonderful world of exploration and fantasy, there are those that cannot separate fantasy from reality. They probably shouldn’t even be allowed to watch Tom and Jerry cartoons as they would probably want to insert a stick of dynamite up their bottom and they would imagine that it would just go ‘Poof!” and their faces would go black with smoke and all would be ok!
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