I always say that communication is key to any good relationship whether professional, friendly or romantic. This is especially true for D/S power exchange relationships.
There are many different levels of domination and I am always certain to ask my slaves what level of a certain act or fetish they are looking for.
This is important for both verbal and physical forms of domination. Funnily enough I have had two subs psychologically break on me and this was not during pain play, but in fact during psychological play.
In the first instance it was with a sub who could take fisting, caning and BDSM to a high level. When we switched to a psychological role play he asked me to be as ruthless as I possible could. So I made him have sex with a blow up doll he had bought for the session and instructed him step by step on pleasing ‘her’. I micro-managed his every move, mocked his efforts and told him that he was useless, needed more practise and would never be able to get a real women unless he tried harder!
It was shortly after this that he ran from the room crying. Myself and my friend followed him, sat him down and made him a cup of tea and reassured him that sometimes intense role play can make you feel highly emotional. He admitted that he didn’t fancy any more domination that evening, so we agreed that we would all just enjoy a Chinese takeaway together and watch a feel good movie. It was a great night and finished on a happy ending…no not that kind of happy ending you naughty thing!
The second time this happened it was a slaves very first humiliation session. He had never seen a domme before. Mid session he was sucking a dildo and I was going through the standards insults such as ‘pathetic loser’ which he seemed to enjoy, then I said I would turn him into a dirty little cock sucker and it’s all he would be able to think about. I think perhaps he believed this a little too deeply as he looked very scared all of a sudden and asked to stop. I told him to pop some clothes on and he was happy to sit and chat with me for the remaining half hour then he left smiling.
Sometimes people crave the things they fear the most and often the reality can be far more overwhelming than the fantasy, especially if the sub is new to a certain type of fetish. Aftercare is very important when your sub is trying something new for the first time. It is natural for their emotions to swing up and down and a good domme will be able to reassure the sub and make them feel content.
The thing is, sometimes subs don’t always know what they want! If they tell me they enjoy punishments such as spanking for example, I ask what type of spanking they enjoy for example and they look confused. There is sensual spanking which includes teasing, bottom strokes and spanks in between and it is playful in nature. Then of course there is a hard spanking…this can be hard and methodical or it can be relentless. It is important to discover what the sub is capable of rather than what they think they want or need!
I encourage all subs to be as vocal as you can when approaching a Mistress – without telling them your life story. Dommes are busy people! If you are shy – try writing it down or putting it in text form and be specific on what you think you can take. There’s nothing wrong with halting play by using your safe word…even if you have exaggerated your capabilities! Safety is key.
Play safe and enjoy!