After breaking up with my girlfriend several years back I bought a blow-up doll on the spur of the moment. I felt it might help with some of my sexual cravings and it did. I found I could experiment with more kinkier sex without the embarrassing problem of explaining my kinks and curiosities to a stranger.
Months went by and I became so reliant on the doll to gratify my needs I stopped going out with friends. That’s when things took a turn for the worse. Feeling lonely one evening, I dressed Lucy (my inflatable friend) in a dress and we watched the television together. Before long I was spending my wages on new outfits for her and sitting her at the dinner table and telling her all about my day.
Lucy is a great comfort to me and stops me from feeling lonely, but I fear my addiction to her will stop me meeting someone. Even as I write this, I’ve just ordered ‘Samantha’ another doll online so Lucy and I can experience our first threesome together. I’m slipping into this deeper and deeper and can’t see anyway to turn back. That is what inspired me to write to you as I feel as if I am hitting rock bottom with my obsession.
I suppose I feel as if the breakup was my fault as I could have been a better partner and I am scared to get involved with someone again.
Gareth, 37, Maidstone
Wow! Gareth, it sounds as if you treat your doll Lucy better than some men treat their wives! It does appear to me that you are fixating on the doll because you feel guilt and blame yourself for the breakdown of the relationship. Your fear making the same mistakes again and it’s almost as if the doll is a practise ground for you and a safe option.
Break ups can be one of the most stressful things you can experience in life. At first there is often the loss you feel inside when an important part of your life is no longer in it. Secondly if you usually did things together as a couple, you may feel as if your circle of friends has suddenly narrowed and you now feel awkward around the same people who you previously enjoyed spending time with. Often, it’s easier to stay home than answer awkward questions about how you are feeling. Everyone has a different period of grieving time after a break up and there is no set standard. However, I do think it’s time for you to move on and start enjoying your life again.
Whatever happened in your previous relationship, you need to forgive yourself and leave the past firmly in the past. Learn from your mistakes and next time you fall for someone, do things differently. Einstein once said: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” so think long and hard about where you went wrong and do it differently next time.
I think the doll has acted as a form of therapy for you these past years. I’m feeling that not rushing straight into another relationship, has probably given you time to come to terms with the break up.
Lucy has been there to gratify your sexual needs and act as a companion when you needed mental space to heal. However, I don’t believe that it is healthy for you to stay in all the time. You need to explore your social options and start mixing in the real world again. Whether that be going to the pub, enjoying sports and team activities or online dating, it will do you a lot of good to mix with others and give you a much-needed confidence boost.
You don’t need to jump into anything romantic at full velocity, but do explore your options and enjoy the big wide world and all its wonders that are there for the taking.
Gareth, it’s time to stop relying so much on Lucy. She’ll be there in your hour (or minutes) of need, but she shouldn’t be a replacement for human interaction.
Wishing you the best Gareth, it’s time to put that smile back on your face and a spring in your step.
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